(#1)Christian Pickup Lines
I just don't feel called to celibacy. 
Did I tell you that my great-uncle was a personal friend of Billy Graham? 
I don't see it myself, but people tell me I look like Michael W. Smith. 
What do you think Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss'?  
You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism. 
Before tonight, I never believed in predestination... 
Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical. 
I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight.
Nice Bible 
You know Jesus?! Me, too! 
God told me to come talk to you. 
I know a church where we could go and talk. 
How about a hug, sister? 
Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy. 
Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? 
What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a Bible study? 
The Word says, "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry." So how about dinner? 
You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither! 
You want to come over and watch "The 10 Commandments" tonight? 
Is it a sin that you stole my heart? 
Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot? 
Nice bracelet. What Would Jesus Date? Oh, I mean "Do." 
Do you believe in divine appointment? 
Have you ever tried praying at a drive-in movie before? 
You know, they say that you've never really dated until you date a Christian. 
Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me. 
Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug! 
Oh, you're cold? Maybe we should read Ecclesiastes 4:11 
I am here for you 
My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah that's his name. 

(#2)Christian Dumping Lines
Top Lines Christian Women Use to Break-up
I'm sorry, I've found someone more spiritual. 
I'm sorry, it's just not God's will. 
I feel called to the ministry very soon and very far from you as soon as possible. 
I'm sorry, it could never work. I'm a sanguine and you're a phlegmatic. 
God loves me and must have a better plan for my life. 
You know, I feel like I'm dating my brother. 
At least I got a lot out of our Bible studies together. 
You need someone with lower standards. 
I think we should just be prayer partners. 
I do love you, but it's just agape now. 

(#3)
The preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church.
"Good morning, Jonathan," the preacher said as he reached out to shake Joanthan's hand.
As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand. "What's this?" the preacher asked. 
"Money," said Jonathan with a big smile on his face, "It's for you!"
"I don't want to take your money, Jonathan," the preacher answered.
"I want you to have it," said Jonathan. After a short pause Jonathan continued, "My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you."

(#4)Ways of Knowing You've Joined the Wrong Church
The Pastoral Search Committee announces that they discovered a problem with their one good candidate-she's divorced
Deacons ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"

(#5)Bragging boys
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." 
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." 
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

(#6)Humor Impaired
Preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. 
One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. 
The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him. 
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"

(#7)Rotten Eggs
An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. 
He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" 
The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. 
The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. 
She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbours for $1."

(#8)Fools Never Win
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough. 
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." 
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got." 
Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

(#9)Smallest Lumberjack
A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. 
The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. 
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." 
The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. 
"I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" 
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. 
"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack. 
The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"

(#10)Last Action
A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. "Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened?" 
"Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up." 
"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?" 
"About 20 years, sir" 
"20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done." 
"It was, sir."

(#11)English language
In celebration of the complexities of the English language, we bring you the following: Lets face it English is a stupid language. 
There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France. 
We sometimes take English for granted but if we examine its paradoxes we find:- that Quicksand takes you down slowly Boxing rings are square 
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. 
If the plural of tooth is teeth shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth 
If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables why don't humanitarians eat human!? 
Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital? 
Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day and as cold as hell on another? 
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language:- whereby a house can burn up as it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out. A bell is only heard once it goes! 
English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all)